A few weeks ago I was about to go and watch some stand-up and happened to find myself in town a couple of hours early.
I decided to go to an Internet Cafe and paid £2 for 1 whole hour of www. fun.
Here's what happened.
I paid my £2, I went to the upstairs bit and noticed it was quite quiet, but still a few people milling around. I logged on in a quiet corner and just as everything was uploading I felt someone stood behind me.
I went cold and just knew this wasn't good.
The 'old' man hovered behind me and then sat down next to me. There were hundreds of computers and he chose the seat next to me.
I knew this wasn't a good sign - and guess what? I was right.
Without looking at me he said 'I've got a bad back.'
'Ok.' I said politely, when all I really wanted to say was 'get lost you creepy man.'
He typed on his computer and without looking at me said, 'I'm Jeff.'
I didn't reply.
'I've got a bad stomach.' he then announced. Hm, as chat-up lines go Jeff, it's pretty poor.
I continued to not reply or even look at this strange man.
Then all of a sudden Jeff placed his hand on my knee.
I shot back in my chair - 'I'm logging off.' Was all I could manage to say.
"I'm sorry for scaring you - I just find you attractive.'
'I'm logging off.' I yelled again.
'Look at me - look at me.' He said.
I grabbed my things, not before shouting, 'YOU DIRTY OLD MAN!'
You'd think Jeff would hide his face in shame - but no. His parting words as I ran out of the Internet Cafe, 'I hope you find happiness...'
Hope I find happiness?? Maybe you should have left me alone and not completely wasted £2 of my money whilst scaring the living daylights out of me you dirty pathetic man...
Deep Breath... I'm ok now. It's all off my chest.
Watch out for Jeffetts whilst you're out and about... people warn you of these people on the Internet, but not actually in the Internet cafe!!